My Name is Lucy and I am a Flirtoholic
It took me months to even work up the courage to talk to my mom and husband about it. They are the only ones I have told. And sadly enough, it made sense to them. I feel like I have to hide this from the world but find acceptance within myself, so I get the catch I have this for life. Actually, the psychosis is a severe anxiety disorder, which is new to my brand of mental illness.
In addition to my depression meds and pills to help me sleep, I received anxiety pills too. In the last six months, I have had my first ever full blown anxiety panic attack, and literally hid in the restroom at Panera. There have been others, although they were not quite as horrible as that first one. It helps me a lot to just be alone, to not deal with people or problems or just life. Oh, and therapy.
And meds. Knowing I am not alone, even if sometimes I want to just BE alone, has always helped me drag myself into the light again. This time, I fully expect to spend the rest of my life on pills for this. I let them help. That will, hopefully, keep me from doing anything stupid… okay, anything dangerously stupid. Everyone does stupid things. I read. I write. I knit. That sounds like a good plan.
That would usually bring on a general rebellion against therapy, and a failed attempt at getting help. It takes TIME. Years and years, perhaps decades. In my case, healing is an ongoing process I will likely not outlive.
However, it is worth doing it. I do not believe that is possible, frankly. I have talked with people who said they had been integrated but stressors were making them fall back into parts. I write this nearly 10 years after I was finally diagnosed with DID. There are times when someone else needs to do some healing and they come to the front. There are times when I need protecting and a protector comes to the front. PTSD is the beginning of the spectrum, and I have met, along my way, people who were divided into parts who were also divided into parts; multiples within multiples.
The most annoying thing people do when they hear of my Dx? Ok, everyone dissociates to an extent. Thankfully I am out of the woods on the suicidal ideation… usually — and I have a regular support group that keeps me from storing up crap in my brain. We must end violence towards children, period, and treat them with the respect that they deserve as human beings. We must learn to love one another. I have panic attacks due to my physical disabilities, especially at night.
My Name is Lucy and I am a Flirtoholic
I can move my fingers a little to press a button I hold all night. The TV helps distract me until I fall asleep. My boyfriend has severe depression, often questioning the point of being alive. Meds have never helped him for more than a month. Sometimes meditation helps along with serious exercise. We have a heavy bag out back for punching the crap out of the voices that tell him he is no good. I just wanted to thank you and your followers.
Thank you for sharing…well, just about everything. I think that my time is at an end. What can I share? Please keep trying anything that might help. Find something, anything to hold onto.
+The Lunar Saloon
A person, a vision, hope…find that lifeline and never let go. Peace to you all. When my daughter was 15 I woke up one morning and found her barely breathing on the floor of her bedroom. She and I were extremely fortunate that she made a full recovery.
The doctors have no explanation as to why. She spent many months in the hospital, at first to handle the physical trauma and then to help her with her mental illness. She has severe depression and social anxiety along with attention deficit disorder. One of the things that was most terrifying for her was high school.
We got her into an online high school program and she did so well.
Slowly over the years through medication and therapy she has learned how to take care of herself and manage the symptoms. We talk honestly about it because there is nothing to be ashamed of. She struggles sometimes but she takes good care of herself and makes it through. For anyone suffering with an invisible illness, i feel deeply for you but I hope you never feel ashamed. You are a wonderful and amazing human being and you deserve to be treated that way. I have depression, OCD, and anxiety.
Oh, and PMDD which is apparently PMS on steroids, so for one week out of the month I feel like jumping out of my skin and then waving it around like a flag as I go on a rampage. Sorry, that was graphic…. I had to drop out of college, which is fine because it turns out I want to work for myself anyway. I spent years in a co-dependent relationship that left me drained, and then immediately fell into two more.
Just this week I saw a girl who basically stalked me for the first time in months and thought my heart would explode. But now I have a real support network and I know that real friends feel the same as family. They just love you. And sometimes they feed you, which is awesome. And then I will take the mongoose away, because obviously those people are not compassionate enough for animal companionship.
I spent years believing I was a massive failure at being a grown up. Tasks that other people complete as part of living seemed monumental and I fully gave up and just existed for long periods of time, along the way dealing with bouts of major depression.
my name is lucy and i am a flirtoholic Manual
I crafted these amazing and creative coping systems to deal with life in general and just assumed I was different. I knew something had been off all my life.
- Death Of A Pornographer!
- An Untamed Land (Red River of the North Book #1)!
I then married my husband who has PTSD, depression, and anxiety as a result of combat. I love him with everything I have and have dealt with family with PTSD when growing up so I was fully aware of what I was getting into. Combining our lives has been somewhat chaotic to say the least and all my carefully crafted coping systems fell apart under the strain.